Renewing the Mind in the Middle of Painful Change - Part I

Honestly, I don't know if I can write this...  It began 25 years ago (and hasn't ended), but yet, it is still so painful.  Without this story, however, my life would be drastically different.

I gave birth to a beautiful little boy, Caleb, in January 1989.  He stole my heart and life could not be better.  I had my happy little family:  mommy, daddy, my girl, my boy.  He was bright...interactive...smiled easily...affectionate.  But by 18 months, there was reason for concern.  He had lost his words, he was falling behind developmentally, he became more agitated and harder to know how to parent him.

It wasn't until he was four that we were rescued from the quicksand of "developmental delay" only to face the 40,000 feet high mountain called autism.

I could only remember the prayer I had prayed before he was born:

For this child I prayed and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to Him.  Therefore I have lent Him to the Lord, for as long as he lives, he is lent to the Lord.  I Samuel 1:27 (ESV)

 Yet, I was crushed...grieving and craving for the time back when all seemed right in my world.  I needed control.  I needed security and comfort.  I needed approval...reassurance that I had not failed as a mother.

I was broken.  (continued tomorrow)