Heart Surgery (the rest of the story)

In January, I selected a verse for the year.  I had no idea how it would come into play as God worked in my heart.

The idol of approval/affirmation had been screaming out for weeks; I wanted acknowledgement for how hard I worked each day and how much I produced.  The idol of power/control raged inside as I dug my heels to be deemed as right.

Then it hit me hard!  What had my own pursuit of these idols produced?  Nothing good, for sure.  But what broke my heart was to consider that perhaps my own pride had squelched any possibility of bringing glory to God at work.

All that God does is to glorify Himself...even our salvation. Read this in Isaiah 48:9-11:

For My name's sake I defer my anger; for the sake of My praise I restrain it for you, that I may not cut you off.  Behold, I have refined you but not like silver; I have tried you in the furnace of affliction.  For My own sake, for My own sake I do it...My glory I shall not give to another.

Whoa...major renewal of the mind.  NONE of this is about me!  It is about God getting my attention to realign with His purpose...His goal...to glorify Himself.

I listened to Tony Dungy say,

I believe you can glorify the Lord in every circumstance.  How you respond to failure--how you respond to disappointment says a lot more than how you respond to successes.

I have come to believe that we really do not know who Christ is until we come to Him in our brokenness, with all pretense set aside, and say, "It's me, O Lord, standing in the need of prayer...not my brother, not my sister, not my coworker, not my neighbor, not my husband..."

I wrote in my journal:

Lord, I ask that you take care of my thoughts tonight.  My ruminations will devour me. Please guard my mind tonight with only thoughts that build me up and assure me of your love.  I know when there are things you want me to work on, it doesn't come attack me from the perspective of destroying my spirit.  You are not condemning or shaming.  I know where I am vulnerable, and you know more so.  I just have to put my faith in you.  I must believe that I don't need affirmation or approval from anyone else but you.  I don't need to have power or control, because You are in control.  I don't need to find my comfort or security in my job, my income, my best laid plans.  I need to find my comfort and security in You.

The Lord continues to renew my mind as I seek Him in His word.  I have been greatly moved by the testimonies on the website I Am Second.  I have one job:  to make Him look good.  It is NEVER about me...  That whatever I do, I am to work passionately, not as for men, but for the Lord, no matter what the job is (Colossians 3:23)

God is faithful...and He continues to gently work in my heart as I renew my mind daily.