I admit. I do not want to write about fear. I tend to ruminate enough without dwelling on my fears. Yet I do recall a time when I was preparing over a period of months to make a major decision, to make a move. I listed in my journal, all the things I was afraid of in making this decision. Somehow putting those fears on paper made them more manageable. Six months later, none of those fears became reality.
I tend to believe that life is good and embrace what is. I have had my share of hardships, and by God’s grace, I have overcome. I tend to have concerns and anxieties, but rarely experience raw fear. There are, however, things that do cycle in my mind.
I am always concerned about Caleb. Who will be his advocate when I am no longer able or alive?
I am concerned about Lydia as she raises three boys on her own. How will she manage financially? Will she continue to draw closer to the Lord and be committed to following Him? Will she continue to make wise choices?
I am concerned about Noah and Elijah. Will they continue to be secure in their relationships with their parents? Will they find Jesus and walk with Him? Will they do well in school and have secure futures?
I am concerned about Gabriel. He has had to endure some challenges early in his first year but continues to progress. I wonder if he will continue to do well developmentally. The autism family history does loom in my head sometimes. Will he be affected? Will he find Jesus? What will his relationship be with his father?
While I look forward to retirement, it also concerns me. What do you do when the paychecks stop? Do we have enough set aside to make it? How long will our health continue?
And yet, I trust in the One whose eye is on the sparrow, for I know He watches me.