Resistance

Where have I been???  I've been invaded by the R-monster...you know...Resistance.  This has been by far the most vicious attack of resistance I've experienced since picking up my camera in 2010 and began this creative adventure.

I have friends who actually use snail mail...with stamps...handwriting...messages in envelopes...

I took the latest message from my dear, Beth...just wanting to look at it...breathe it in as if it were a new one...and then answer it.

My Beth!  She sends these little quotes and treasures...and one message was, in HER own words, just what I needed:

Allow yourself to push past resistance into the life you know you love.

Honestly...until I read that...I did not know what I was feeling; that it was RESISTANCE that had me so clogged creatively.

And I pulled out all these postcards I had received from my fellow groupies who photograph...inspiring!

All of this gave me the strength to push me past my resistance to use my inspiration in these still life's.  Has resistance shaken the dust off his shoes and left yet...not totally.  But I think he might be thinking about it.

What do you do when resistance shows up?  Does your creative energies ever get sucked dry from the drudgery of hard drive fails, backing up, organizing in Lightroom, printer problems, and the tedium of it all the technology maintenance?

I would love to hear how you handle it...

PS:  All flowers are from my garden... :)

Can I Have My Crayons Back?

I came across this wisdom in my quote feed from Goodreads:

“Everyone is born creative; everyone is given a box of crayons in kindergarten. Then when you hit puberty they take the crayons away and replace them with dry, uninspiring books on algebra, history, etc. Being suddenly hit years later with the 'creative bug' is just a wee voice telling you, 'I'd like my crayons back, please.” — Hugh MacLeod 

When I think of what I enjoy most when I'm "off the clock," it is all about creativity.  This has been a passionate thread throughout my life...even in my career interest tests it would always be the same: "Well suited for the creative arts."

But it seemed like fluff...so I ventured safer pathways where a salary was guaranteed.  I've done well.

But looking back it seems if I was not involved in something creative, I was not really living.  These feelings came from the heart of a girl who could draw Fred and Wilma Flintstone perfectly when I was in Kindergarten.

I created music through singing and playing instruments. I created clothing for myself and my children.  I created a nurturing home through decorating.  I created cuisine through cooking.

But there have been times when the well was so dry that there was nothing to tap into creatively...

I was just starting my work in pediatric palliative care.  It is demanding work.  Then six weeks in, my father was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, dying six months later.  The loss hit me hard and I'll spare you the details of my grieving.

I had bought my first DSLR as a "congratulations on your new job" around my birthday but had not done much with it.  The next summer I picked it up and began getting to know it.

And an amazing thing happened...healing began.

Creativity was no longer fluff or self-indulgence...it is part of my restoration and renewal through the challenges of life.  A lifesaver, so to speak.

Now...pass the crayons!

Find the Light...

Just a photo taken in the light at our dinner table in the morning.  Those in Kim Klassen's newest class, Be Still 52, are encouraged to pay attention to the light in our house at different times of the day.  Also linking up with Texture Tuesday.

Have a great day!

Focus on Simplicity

Today I'll just let the photos and the quotes speak for themselves. I focused on three words: white, round, minimal for the third week of Kim's new class.  We're being challenged to find our own style...which evolves over time.

Pause ~ Take Rest

I'm taking a new 52-week class with Kim Klassen, "Be Still."  While it incorporates photography, it also is about cultivating a lifestyle of stillness.  We were encouraged to do a still photo that gave plenty of room to breathe, instead of filling the entire image.

Breathe [breeth]: to pause; to take rest. giving room to breathe.

But this is more than about photography...it's about life.

Do you give yourself room to breathe?  Time to be still?  Time to be present with life at the moment?

Ed and I are once again in West Virginia...taking time to pause...to decorate my grandparents' and great-grandparents' graves.  A grave not decorated on Memorial Day is just too sad...  This has been a tradition since my parents were living and unable to do so.

My mother modeled this ritual with my Mamaw.  She would gather peonies, irises, and branches from her mock orange tree blossoms, wrap them up in wet newspaper, and annually take my Mamaw to go to her son's grave in Morgantown, West Virginia (my mother's only brother) who died at the age of 23.

West Virginia lends itself to pausing, resting, breathing.  Life seems so much slower here.  How to bottle it up?  How to make room to breathe in the dailyness of life?

Any suggestions?  My greatest encouragement to do this is found in the Psalms ~ "Be still and know that I am God."

Balance

There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. 

Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' 

would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.

- Carl Jung

Simple Texture Tuesday

Just getting back into town after our trip...but wanted to link up quickly with Kim's Texture Tuesday...

I made this still with the eggs the farm owners gave us from their free-range chickens as a complimentary gift.  How special was this?  But it is good to be home.  Texture used is Kim's texture petra.

Ponderings on Easter

It is Easter Sunday.  I am not at home.  Edster and I and the four-footed boys are in West Virginia...my home.  I am purposefully using this time to sort through some things...clean house.

But Christ is here...and the morning...and Jesus is alive!  Sitting alone in the living area of this horse camp apartment, listening to music with Arthur laying at my feet...I was moved by a particular song that came on, written by John Lemonis and recorded by the Crist family.

The closer I get to the cross,

the more I clearly see

the holiness of You and

the sinfulness of me.

There's a beauty in the agony

that draws me to this place.

The closer I get to the cross

the more amazed I am by grace.

Here is the full version:



It's easier to rush through life in a blur, not stopping to pause or contemplate...but it is an empty life.  Socrates even knew that, "The unexamined life is not worth living."

This Easter, during this vacation, I'm craving the Holy Spirit to search me to bring back the joy again that overflows in all I say and do.  That means, getting closer to the cross.

And there all becomes clear.

Ohio North to I 80 West

...and forty hours later I would be there!

God has blessed me with a dear friend whose face I have not seen "live" in 34 years.  We left our respective high schools and ended up at a small Christian college in central Ohio.  Going separate ways after college, we reconnected on Facebook 30-some years later.

Beth lives in Eugene, Oregon.  I'm in Akron, Ohio.  I could hop in my Honda go a few miles north and get on the Ohio turnpike (I-80) and head west.  With my Eas-Z Pass in check, I would not need change for tolls.  And 40 hours later..I could squeeze her face, embrace her, share smiles and cuppas.

A dream that warms my heart...but for now, I must savor her spirit from afar.

Beth is a kindred spirit.  Beth and I are both social workers by training...and embrace that profession.  We both love reading, books, thoughts, and ideas.  We are both very spiritual people with a love for our Creator.  We both crave nature, silence, and solitude...as well as journaling and cuppas of coffee or tea with a dear friend or alone.  We are both comfortable in our own skin in our mid-50s after doing a lot of personal work and allowing God to mold us into the person He intended us to be, which sometimes means taking roads less traveled.

She has the practice of gratitude down to a science!  Who would doubt that the closest person to her is named Joy?????!!!!  And her letters and posts always make me smile and feel refreshed.  There's so much of each us to experience and share with each other which is challenging at a distance...which can only be fully appreciated face to face.  But for now I treasure the dear heart and friend she is to me.  (Stills include some items she sent me in a birthday care package including a homemade card she made, an issue of Kinfolk, a handwritten letter, plus some other treats.  Texture used on all images:  Kim Klassen's waterfront23 for Texture Tuesday.)

By the way, because of Beth living where she lives, rooted for the Seahawks in the Super Bowl!  Must've been why they won!  She roots for my Mountaineers...and I root for her Ducks!

Texture Tuesday Already?

I had so much fun with this setting from the hydrangeas Edster bought me...I thought I would make another up for Kim's Texture Tuesday...

...and then I couldn't stop.

I desaturated this photo in lightroom, then brought back some of the blue and some green.  The texture used was an older one of Kim's called, "Start."

This one...from above...was not done with a pattern...some of you may remember that early on in the Beyond Layers class.

Then I just had to do one in sepia...using Kim's 2303.

And of course, then...I had to do it in color...using Kim's July-2.

And then just one last one...using Kim's Avery texture...

What fun!  Nothing heavy today...just enjoying making pretty art and grateful to be able to do so.

Eleanor and A Promise - A Texture Tuesday

Free and easy today...

As I looked at this quote by Eleanor Roosevelt...it struck me as familiar...reminded me of an older quote...a wiser quote!

...and as your days, so shall your strength be.

Deuteronomy 33:25 (ESV)

And my question I pose, if this is God's promise, why am I relying on myself alone?

For Textured Tuesday...

Friday Finds on a Sunday Evening...

Joining in with Kim Klassen's weekly challenge...Friday Finds...I'd like to share mine...

I found this little handmade mini-pitcher at an antique shop in Medina, Ohio...about 45 minutes form where I live.  Like Sarah...I've gotten more into my garden this year.  The Edster has been working hard  making compost piles and then turning them into landscape islands...but I digress.

I planted a lot of perennials this year, but added some color with some zinnias.  Now...unless you want to cut off the whole plant, the individual zinnia blooms don't have long stems.  This pitcher is perfect to manage these little guys.

I also love how you can see the grooves from the individual handiwork to make this little treasure...

And while most of my garden remains outside, I can snip a little of my posies and place a little bit of color because of this Friday Find pitcher, that fits them so perfectly.

Ending May with a Friday Finds

A new series sprung up on Kim's blog, Friday Finds...

I was all prepared and this week's was postponed and justifiably so...but I'm still going to show you mine!

I'm not a big cruiser of Antique shops, mainly because I'm an Antique Dummy...and they see this sucker comin' from a mile away. :)

I'd be the one who would go on Antiques Roadshow and the appraiser would laugh and say, "You paid what?  This isn't worth a plugged nickel."

But I ventured out last weekend...

I have no idea if they are worth anything...but I found these teeny little empty ink bottles and could not resist.

I had bought a bouquet at Wal*Mart for my father's grave...but you know how there's always little stragglers that either break off or are lower on the stem and your cutting point of the stem is above it...

Wallah...put them in these tiny little ink bottles...

And you're ready for a still...no waste! :)  See?

Now...I saw some things similar that I knew my grandmother owned and were still tucked in a way in a chest in my home.  I mentioned it to the woman at the antique shop who said they would be interested but they might not be worth a lot.  My response to her stunned her...she said "that is beautiful."  What did I say?

They are valuable because I know whose hands have touched them.

(I actually surprised myself...)  Not worth a lot?  Hardly.  They are priceless.  Maybe I'm not such an antique dummy, after all!

One Little Word ~ One BIG Task

Who thought when I signed up for "One Little Word" with Ali Edwards that it would turn into such a big task?

 

Embracing is HARD...

We live in a world filled with sarcasm, cynicism, thanklessness, and irreverence.  It's as if nothing is sacred anymore.  It becomes "the norm"...without realizing how it effects us at all.  We are hard on each other and on ourselves.

This month I'm to be focusing on my health...which really means, to me, several things:

1.  Spiritual health
2.  Emotional and mental health
3.  Physical health

I'm not sure where this month would lead...but it was not what I expected...

It was suggested to me several years ago that I may have a form of adult ADHD.  It came from someone whose opinion I respect and thought it was worth looking into. 

At the same time, my father died six months after a terminal diagnosis.  I was in a new, demanding job (where I currently remain) and found myself lethargic, unable to focus, and really pressured to perform, despite my losses.  In other words...I was still on "proving ground."  I had just entered into a new marriage and was now totally responsible as my mother's power of attorney...with stacks of mail and on the fast track to learn Medicaid and Medicaid Part D and a multitude of other legalities...some with very strict deadlines...aiyiyi!

I was prescribed 20mg per day of Adderall.  It wasn't a miracle drug...but it did make a difference.  And being the only social worker at the time...I needed to focus and produce.  (I did not connect that a lot of this experience was normal grief reaction.)

But then I began to hear these words in my head of late, "I've not been the same since my dad died."  Now we're going on several years. 

Last week I had an epiphany...it correlated with when I started taking Adderall.  My experience was telling me that my job was so draining that I was useless once I got home...at least for any kind of social interaction beyond my husband, or take advantage of opportunities for fellowship or Bible study.  I had even said to someone that part of the sacrifice made for my job that I believe is a calling has been outside personal relationship.

--FLASHBACK--

I started seeing the faces of kids I counseled when I did child/adolescent therapy in inner-city Cleveland.  I always saw them after school.  I would see these big yawns the size of the Grand Canyon as they were coming off their Adderall they took for school.

My curiosity over this became too much...I just HAD to google...

I found an article, 5 Signs That You're Ready to Quit Adderall.  This article is about taking it as prescribed, as I had been...not abuse.

The number one reason people wanted to quit Adderall:  To get back a piece of myself that feels lost.

Hmmm...kinda similar to "I've not been the same since my dad died..."

So, I have three weeks under my belt...

It's a journey that is a marathon, not a sprint. 

It is an adjustment to find a new "normal"...and getting through the dopamine deprivation, the fatigue and sleepiness that is always at my heels...but it will go away over time.

But my words is "EMBRACE"...and I want to EMBRACE the real me...the person God created for His use and His glory.

Embracing is hard...when it takes a difficult journey as part of the embrace...

But I am reminded...

Your God is present among you,
a strong Warrior there to save you.
Happy to have you back, he’ll calm you with his love
and delight you with his songs.

 

Zephaniah 3:17 (The Message)