No one warned me of the unrelenting power my children have over me...even as adults...
I hung up the phone. Those who know me, know I've focused the past 22 years of my life on advocating for children and adults with severe disabilities AND their families...
Inspired by my courageous Caleb...
But today it all feels for naught as he is being terminated from his day program provider and the other options are not viable. And barring a miracle (for which I still believe)...he will be at home, without structure and limited stimulation 24 hours a day. It's complicated...a system that is to serve fails.
But my post is not about that...it was about giving you some context for what I write now.
Gratitude is easy in the nice warm fuzzies of life...it is practicing gratitude to God when the feeling is not there at all that it becomes a sacrifice...it is pure obedience.
Friday, Caleb, Edster and I went out for a drive in our mini-van. I sat back with Caleb, helping him as he ate his lunch...only to have Caleb lay his head on my shoulder and lean up against me...for at least a half hour.
Caleb's autism tends to manifest itself like a pinball...pacing or moving to self-regulate. Kodak moments don't come often. But I am so grateful for those moments on Friday.
Yet...even without those moments...I will praise and express my thanksgiving to God...because He is worthy as I'm reminded in the Old Testament passage:
Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines,the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food,the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls,18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. Habakkuk 3:17-18 (ESV)Caleb has a GREAT God...and I will take joy in Him.
Oh, Denise. . . . Joy in the Lord. Yes. When all else seems bleak, there is always joy.
ReplyDeleteAnd I believe, the blessings will come. God will reward. Your needs will be on my prayer list.
ReplyDeleteThose verses from Habakkuk have brought me through many a difficult time. My heart is with you.
ReplyDeleteSo difficult for you, although I can only imagine the extent. And you're right. Gratitude is easy when the going is good. But when the going gets tough, it's tougher to practice gratitude. Thinking of you all, Denise ... I know these are tough times for you right now. xo
ReplyDeleteMy difficulties seems so very tiny along side yours. Grateful for your sharing, Grateful that you show your faith to me always.. You always do. Thank you for that. My Prayers are with you all .
ReplyDeleteI too believe that God will deliver what Caleb needs most. Your ability to express gratitude in these hard times is very inspiring.
ReplyDeleteDenise, this brought tears to my eyes. When life is at it's hardest, that's when we need to find gratitude to keep us pushing forward. Surely, doors will open soon to easier times.
ReplyDeleteDenise I salute you in your faith and your courage, Caleb couldn't have a better advocate than you. My thoughts are with you at this time all my love. x
ReplyDeleteCaleb's photos are beautiful. He encourages us to do our very best work and if he is at home we will do our best to create a stimulating, relaxing comfortable environment for him. This is temporary and I believe God has a perfect plan that will meet Caleb's needs in an amazing way.
ReplyDeleteYou are a wonderful writer, my heart does go out to you also. I hope you all have a Merry Christmas.
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