Thirty-One Things - Quote

Quote…

I have been a collector of quotes.  I recall back in high school, my wirebound lined notebook filled with quotes and poems I loved handwritten in red. 

I find quotes a great jump off point for journaling.  They also serve as great mantras to memorize. When we think of Bible verses, aren’t they actually quotes we memorize?

I often give quote jars to special friends as gifts. They are clear glass jars with lids, filled with individual quotes on cut, printed paper, randomly placed for the receiver to pull a single quote out at any time they need one.

A great resource for quotes:  www.goodreads.com 

Quotes can be very convicting.  One of particular notice is from Paul David Tripp from his book, Whiter Than Snow.

I am too skilled

At mounting

Plausible arguments

Structured

To make me feel okay

About what I think

What I desire

What I say

What I do

I am too defensive...

In the holy of holies,

Where I stand naked,

All covering gone,

Before You...

May you do there,

What I cannot do...

May you create in me,

A clean heart.

Thirty-One Things - Camera

Me and My Camera...

I remember my instamatic and the flashcubes of the 1970s…the faded film and the date in the corner.  I remember the importance of capturing friends, family, and my own children.  This was before scrapbooking and smart phones.

I bought my camera in 2009 as a ‘congrats on your dream job’ gift.  Later that year my dad was diagnosed and died of cancer.  It was not until July of 2010 that I would pick it up and learn it.

Learning things like ISO, aperture, shutter speed, depth of field, the camera became alive to me.  Then a 70-300 zoom lens, a few more primes.  Then an extra body.

I became rabid about online learning and couldn’t absorb enough.  I discovered how to do textures, use Photoshop and Lightroom. And learned how to do still life’s and add text to photos.  It became more than just taking photos…it was becoming art.  Everywhere I went, my mind was framing possible photos.  My photography began evolving into something greater than I imagined in the beginning.

Now I use it as a tool to bring gifts to others and ourselves.  I embrace it to capture life as it is versus fabricating it.  I have become prolific in memory keeping and turning it into treasure.  It’s about making meaning.

This year I took the plunge to purchasing my first full frame camera…the retro Nikon Df.  I’m just getting to know it and how to use it.  Vacation is a week away and I’ll be breaking it in.  It has a reputation for being superb in low light situations with minimal noise when you have to increase the ISO significantly.  I try to avoid flash whenever possible.

Before the end of the year is over, I hope to be doing photography for families of babies who children born with very little chance of life.  It is a phenomenal gift to give to a family as part of our palliative care team.  It feels a little daunting as this may be the only photos they will ever have of their child, but I know God will give me the grace to do this ministry.

Thirty-One Things - Memory

MEMORY

I never valued memory as I do now until I saw my mother’s elude her.  Life is a string of precious memories as jewels on a necklace.  There are too many to count or name, but each is a priceless gift.

I never want to forget and always remember // when my mother prayed with me after a bad dream // the comfort of Ed being next to me at night // the anticipation each year of the coming of autumn // my first sighting of a Blackburnian Warbler // Lydia having her first bite of ice cream // how the house smelled after Sunday morning church // Thompson’s ice cream // pulling clothes through Mamaw’s wringer washer // the smell of Zest soap // my dad praying on the chair in the bathroom // strawberry picking with my mom // playing with the Garros // dancing at band camp // Yelling BEARM in the middle of band // Ruff burying his bones in Dale’s bed // seeing Ed face to face for the first time // leaves burning in the Fall // the rustling of Bible pages in church // the night I prayed at Gilgal // when Arthur picked me // Lydia’s first steps // showing Noah the bird tornado // sleeping on the hard folding chairs at camp meeting // Sidda sitting across my shins // cake after church in the fellowship hall // listening to Howie Chizek on WNIR // my father’s voice // Caleb’s doe eyes // Acme-Zip games // slow-cooked roast beef // Mamaw’s rolls // making apple butter with my mother // playing the piano at Calvary Bible Church // the fall hiking spree with Suzanne // mom’s baloney sandwiches she made me for lunch time on school days // miniskirts and go-go boots // my first job at Ponderosa // Living Witness // the sound of crickets at night // star gazing at the meteor showers in summer // listening to Hazel Lee at MVNC // Lydia going with Betty to get crackers // Caleb’s beautiful bowl cuts // the sparrow that fell // wearing braided stocking on my head pretending I had long hair // football games with Josh and Missi // seven-up popsicles // riding my bike around the neighborhood // Green 1 // the smell after fireworks // relatives stopping in at Mamaw’s // Papa getting the big rocks out of the way driving up the road to Green Hill // being random with Dale // trying not to laugh during church // the zillions of stars in the pitch black sky in West Virginia // talking Mountaineer football with my dad // Lydia twirling in her lacey dress // Caleb’s cuddles when he was sick // Smores at the Green Cabin // snuggling with Noah and Elijah at bedtime // hearing the first signs of spring – birds // wonderful Words of life // and I’ve just started.

Thirty-One Things - 11:25 a.m.

11:25 a.m.

It is September 11, 2015.

I’m watching MSNBC special programming of the Today Show “as it happened” fourteen years ago.

Ed’s at Sam’s Club. I’m alone in the bedroom, in bed propped up by pillows.  I had hoped to take this day off for a time of reflection, but alas, I am sick.

By 11:25 a.m. in 2001, both towers were down, United 93 had crashed in Shanksville, and the side of the Pentagon had collapsed.  We, as a country, were trying to get our emotions and minds around what had just occurred.

Today at 11:25, I reflect on how it hardly seems like this was fourteen years ago; it seems like yesterday.  Just as it is hard to believe I’m no longer 44 but 58.

It’s cooler today.  Rain expected later.  Ed will be traveling to Elyria for a rainy football game against Mogadore.

As I watch television, with my legs covered by covers, the cool air from the window and the ceiling fan soothe me.

I am grateful Caleb was able to come home from the hospital yesterday and today at 11:25 am he is at home where he belongs.

I can’t help but wonder about my one patient ready for discharge today and how it is going. I can never walk away and not feel an ongoing sense of responsibility.  Hoping it all goes well.

Feeling drowsy from this upper respiratory infection and will probably snuggle down at 12 noon and take a nap.  It feels the best the few minutes before falling asleep.

God bless America, again.

Thirty-One Things - Makeup

Makeup Musings!

- I grew up in a household where makeup was seen as “worldly” and “sinful.” The only makeup I ever saw my mother wear was liquid foundation.

- Even though as an early teenager I would wash off any eye makeup I had used (usually a pencil liner for my lower lid), my mom could always tell!  She eventually gave up.

- Plucking my eyebrows the first time was painstaking. It was hard for me to tell what they looked like as the plucked area was red and puffy.

- Although warned not to do so, my girlfriends and I always swapped makeup, sharing colors, highlights, concealer, blush, mascara.  Experimenting was fun!

- With big dark eyes, colored eye shadow never did a thing for me.  I would try greens, blues, plums, pinks.  Only browns worked.

- I’ve spent a lot of money on makeup.  Drug store makeup.  Department store makeup.  At one time I was only an Estee Lauder girl.

- My favorite lipstick was Estee Lauder Café Rose topped with Tiger Eye.  Now, I rarely wear lipstick.  I still like it but it doesn’t last.  I’m not one to carry it around with me to reapply.  Maybe that's called freedom.

- Now that I’m older, I think about how to change up my makeup.  If you don’t change it up, you can actually look older, less attractive, dated!  Still trying to balance that.

- My favorite days are when I don’t have to work, don’t have to shower, don’t have to do my hair, and don’t have to do my makeup.  Better than that is having a husband who understands this and does not mind me being frumpy for a day.

- Maybe she was born with it…maybe it’s Maybelline!

Thirty-One Things - Dream

Dream.

I never had any real dreams or purpose for my life in my early years. My parents’ dream was for me to marry a Christian man so they would not have to worry about me anymore. That was probably why they sent me to a Nazarene college.  My mother said she was scared in raising me because I was “daring.” I think my parents thought my marrying would ease their mind.  Anyway, I got no real career guidance.

Then God brought Caleb into my life. For years I had worked as an Executive Assistant but Caleb lit a fire in me.  Not only did I channel that fire to advocate for him, but also for others.

I always dreamed of getting my Bachelor’s degree.  I knew I was smart enough and lamented leaving college after two years.  I knew to make a difference in the lives of those with disabilities and their families, I had to have a degree…credentials.

Now single, having gone through so much with Caleb and with others, an opportunity presented itself that brought me to a turning point. Long story short, I entered Capital University as a Junior going full time while working full time. With a major of social work, I knew graduate school would not be optional.  I graduated from Case Western Reserve University with a Master’s of Science in Social Administration one month before my 50^th birthday.

I now work at Akron Children’s Hospital in Pediatric Palliative Care. I get to travel the journey with many families whose children/young adults have life-threatening condition or disabilities. I am honored to make a difference through advocacy and case management for these individuals and their families.  But it is very hard work. I work with lovely people. There is also tremendous pressure. Much is required. The bar of expectations is very high. The hours can be long. Balance can seem elusive. You are at high risk for burn out and compassion fatigue.

But it is a privilege. It is my dream.

Thirty-One Things - The Most Important Thing

The most important thing…

Profound question. There are constant priorities and then those that shift. This weekend I have thought a lot about it with opportunities that have presented itself.

I’ve been thinking a lot about having an influence on others. Being faithful to my responsibilities. Investing my life into others.

Since Elisabeth Elliot died this summer, I was researching some of her work and came across a youtube video about “A Grandmother's Influence.” When Noah and/or Elijah come to visit, they know to leave their DS’s at home. They know there are other things to do at Mamaw’s. I’ve always given them my attention. But Elisabeth spoke about writing letters and being present when you are apart.  I wrote them a card when they started school.  So proud of them. Lydia said Noah put it on the refrigerator and Elijah put the photo in their room.

This summer I had Noah and Elijah help with the flowers. They planted marigold seeds and sunflower seeds.  Today they came over for the afternoon.  They were amazed at how big the sunflowers were and Elijah was so proud of his orange and yellow marigolds.  Elijah helped trim the dead flowers off the butterfly bush. They were thrilled to discover a big grasshopper on one of the stems. Hot dogs and ice cream sandwiches. And two games of Quirkle. It was an investment for eternity.

Caleb is in the hospital. Admitted since late Friday night. He is so vulnerable and so does not understand. He is my responsibility. A God-given responsibility. Seeing him in that hospital bed, my heart swelled and I knew what I already knew.

Once in a golden hour, I cast to earth a seed.

Up there came a flower.  The people said, a weed.

--Alfred Lord Tennyson

My life is dedicated to showing the world the flower that Caleb is.