Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall

Is anyone sick of this commercial?????  Honestly...and at age 55, no one mentions that not only has Marie Osmond lost 50 lbs, she's also had plastic surgery.

This one really got on my last nerve!



So what does this have to do with anything?

I looked on the table and saw my stack of books today: Bible, A.W. Tozer's Pursuit of God, Idol Lies by Dee Brestin, Writing Down the Bones, and The God of All Comfort, also by Dee Brestin. And guess what was on top????  Three guesses...

The remote to the TV!

Yes, that was a visual of my priorities sometimes.  God's Word at the bottom of the pile with the media having greater influence.  But let's face it.  These images we see in the media, i.e., tv, movies, social media, the internet have us brainwashed into what has value, what is worthy of pursuing and paying for, and what will fill our need for affirmation and approval from others.  And of course, that need is never satisfied as fads and fashions and ideals change in society...which we will "hustle" to keep up with.

I can honestly say (boy is my face red), that I have placed a high priority on appearance as a way to fill this need of being affirmed...approved of.   I wanted to look good, be noticed, turn heads...but my needs were insatiable.  I focused on the outside so much that, like the beautiful chocolate Easter bunny, I was hollow.  I had no depth.  I was self-absorbed.

When God brought my son into my life with his severe disabilities, God started a work in me that continues and He has promised to finish.  No, I did not chuck my desire to look good...but beauty took on a different definition as I watched the beauty of my son and many others for whom I advocate who do not "fit" society's definition.  Still those media images are powerful!

So how do we renew our mind...fight this squeezing into the world's mold?  We go to the truth!

• Proverbs 31:30 says that charm and beauty are fleeting...but a woman who fears God is praiseworthy!
• I Peter 3:4 tells me that my adornment should be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which in God's sight is very precious.
• I Samuel 16:7 says that God does not look on the outward appearance but on my heart.

Scripture is LOADED with how God feels about me...Zephaniah says He sings over me.

And yet...we do not believe it as over $10 billion was spent on cosmetic procedures in 2011.  Beauty products continue to do well in sales even in a recession.  And research bears out how outward beauty is so valued in America, showing than an American worker who was among the bottom 1/7th in looks, as assessed by randomly chosen observers, earned 10 to 15% less annually than a similar worker whose looks were assessed in the top 1/3--a lifetime difference that can end up in the hundreds of thousands of dollars for an individual.

That idol of affirmation/approval of others screams out, because it cannot be satisfied.  When I run to it, the fruit it produces includes depression, anxiety, envy, irritability, neglect of my spiritual life, self-absorbency, even resentment and on and on. When I start feeling these things, I need to stop and evaluate:  there's some idolatry working on me here. Go ahead and say, "Duh!" but in real life it can be so subtle and so deceptive.

When I evaluate those who have the greatest impact on my life, those who I admire most, those who have been mentors in my life, those whose footsteps I would love to follow, guess what?  Physical beauty does not even play into the equation!

I am my Beloved's; He is mine.  But without my running to God's word to renew my mind moment by moment...that idolatry will continue to seduce me.  Only God's truth can set me free.

Viral or Not...Quit Hustling!

More from the horse camp...

I am participating in this scary, pick-a-topic-and-write-every-day-for-31-days project.  We have a private Facebook page, and the subject came up about perhaps our post or blog goes viral.  A conversation ensued about competition.

Oh...it's that idol of approval/affirmation raising its ugly head.  I did not plan to write about this today, but since it is out there now...here goes.

There is a line in the movie, Luther, where Martin Luther's spiritual father says to him:

We teach best what we need to learn most.

I've never forgotten that line.  You see, I'm not an expert on the topic I chose; I need to integrate it more into my life.  It is an area that God has been speaking to me about the past couple of months, and I have far from overcome.  This is not about competition, but a tool for my own accountability. If God chooses to use it beyond that...I will be humbled...and honored.

So...what about this idol of the approval of or affirmation from others?  

Brene' Brown, one of my favorite social workers has spent twenty years doing research on guilt and shame, writes in her book The Gifts of Imperfection...

When we can let go of what other people think and own our story, we gain access to our worthiness—the feeling that we are enough just as we are and that we are worthy of love and belonging. When we spend a lifetime trying to distance ourselves from the parts of our lives that don’t fit with who we think we’re supposed to be, we stand outside of our story and hustle for our worthiness by constantly performing, perfecting, pleasing, and proving.

How many of us have done the hustle for worthiness??  :::raising my hand::: I tend to do it more subtly than others (or maybe I'm fooling myself) but I do it.  I compete for "likes" on Facebook or comments on my blog or Flickr with regard to my images.  I sometimes have felt it in the church... either with those I've known for a long time or with new friends.  At times the dance for worthiness in church alone can strangely begin to feel like all of us insecures (and all of us were!) in high school.

You may need to sit down before I disclose this...with all vulnerability exposed.  My walk with the Lord has not been linear.  It's had fits and starts...I've known divorce...my son is severely disabled...my daughter has her struggles...and my story is littered with sin and failure...but also shines of redemption and restoration.

During my quiet time, I came across my story in Ephesians 2.  My true story.  The story I want to live in and own.  Want to hear it?  It might be yours, too!

1-6 It wasn’t so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn’t know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It’s a wonder God didn’t lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he picked us up and set us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah.

7-9 Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It’s God’s gift from start to finish! We don’t play the major role. If we did, we’d probably go around bragging that we’d done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving.

This story fits me.  But without renewing my mind with it regularly...I'll fall into pursuit of that approval/affirmation idol...and out come my dancing shoes for me to do that worthiness hustle.  Such a waste of energy, not to mention all the damage it does to my relationships in the wake.

My Name is Denise

...and I am an Idolator.

As a social worker who is very familiar with The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous...a tool that has expanded to be of great help with a myriad of addictions...this is the first step.

We admitted we were powerless over _______________, and our lives had become unmanageable.

So I admit it.  I am an Idolator.  No, I do not worship statues or bow down to images.  But I have come to realize that I have "idols of the heart" that Ezekiel 14 talks about.

This summer I read a book by Dee Brestin, Idol Lies: Facing the Truth About Our Deepest Desires. It still remains with me, along with a virtual Bible study in I'm presently involved in, that emphasizes how true change comes from renewing our mind. (Romans 12:2a)

So what are my idols?  They are universally the same, yet manifest themselves differently in each of our lives.  Because we run to these idols, instead of running to the Person who wants to meet those needs Himself, our lives produce habitual sin that we think will bring us what we worship, what we pursue, what we run to, and what we focus on.

So what are those things to which we run?  Dee lists them succinctly.

• Control/power
• Affirmation from/approval of others
• Comfort/security

Wow...that makes it simple, doesn't it?  Simple, yet so difficult.  

Over this next month I hope to become more transparent and take you along on this journey with me.  God wants to meet our deepest desires and to enjoy the abundance of fruit our pursuit of Him produces.  But we must change our thinking.

I'll close today with a prayer from Paul Tripp's devotional, Whiter Than Snow:  Meditations on Sin and Mercy.

I am too skilled

at mounting

plausible arguments

structured

to make me feel okay

about what I think

what I desire

what I say

what I do.

I am too defensive...

In the holy of holies,

where I stand naked,

all covering gone,

before You...

may You do there,

what I cannot do...

May you create in me

a clean heart. 

The Thirty-One Days Challenge

This is a BIG bite for me...but I'm taking it!

I'm joining in the Writing Challenge sponsored by The Nester that starts tomorrow.  We have been challenged to write each day for the month of the October on one subject.  This is not as easy as it sounds.

I have chosen to take you along a journey of transformation by renewing the mind, based on Romans 12:2a:

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind...

Oh will this month be telling!  Deciding to lay it all out there...and dig deep into God's refiner's fire.

Please join me.  Feel free to grab my button and share with others!

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Tears of a Nation

I photographed this still on the tenth anniversary of September 11, 2001...portraits of the nearly 3,000 souls who perished that day laying on the skirt I was wearing at work when I heard the report before 9 am from a friend/talk show host on the west coast.

Now we know there were many more victims.  Michael Tuohey was one of multitudes.  Tuohey had checked in Mohammed Atta and Abdulaziz Alomari to the commuter flight from Portland, Maine to Boston.  He was so haunted by Atta's face, he continued to think he saw him at the Maine Mall or in a passing car when he took out the trash.  Post-traumatic stress disorder took over his life.  The woman who checked him in at the American Airlines counter in Boston, died of suicide.

And there are countless secondary victims from the toxicity experienced by all those who responded as part of the rescue, recovery, and clean up after the attacks.  Many have died; the incidents of cancer among those workers is staggering.

It is easier to look away and distract ourselves to numb or forget.  I, on the other hand, watch whatever I can to relive that day...to feel the horror and pain brought on so much evil that tore so many lives apart...

I feel obligated, actually...who am I to feel numb or oblivious..as if it is any other day...?

I feel compelled to bring honor to the memory of what will never be again...that is, life before September 11...

And yet I cannot help but feel another loss...mourning for the unity and patriotism we had as a nation on September 12.

The life we have left is a gift...do what matters most NOW.

Dare to Be Grateful this September!

I have written in the past, actually rather often, about the power of gratitude.  Not because I think my readers don't know that...but because I need the reminder!

In 2011, I discovered Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts, and it continues to impact my life.  I wrote last time about the need for one to renew their mind.  A daily gratitude list is a wonderful tool.  I keep a journal and am up to 500.

This month I am doing Ann's Joy Dare for September.  Mind if I share?

Day 1 - 3 Gifts Summer

• My gardens
• Summer color
• Summer storms

Day 2 - 3 Gifts Cut

• A slice of cake
• Fabric cut by my mother when she made me clothes
• A discount

Day 3 - 3 Gifts Yellow

• Sunflowers off my deck
• My highlighter
• Goldfinches at my feeder

Day 4 - 1 Gift Cool, 1 Gift Warm, 1 Gift Sun-soaked

• Ceramic tile on my bare feet
• My Corgi's tongue
• My cat on the porch

Day 5 - 3 Gifts Autumn

• Goldenrod
• Smell of new crayons
• Low humidity

Day 6 - 3 Gifts Growing

• My dahlias have EXPLODED!
• The sun growing lower in the sky
• Days growing closer to my West Virginia vacation!

What gifts can you find today???  If you'd like to join the September Joy Dare, you can find it here

What Does September Bring?

You've heard the rhyme, "April showers bring May flowers..."  For me, September is one of my favorite months to turn to on the calendar each year.  Fall (yes the meteorological calendar shows Fall starting September 1) for me brings a sense of renewal and kind of a time to get down to business!

I wrote in my last post about Resistance...and if you look at the number of posts I have had this year...enough said.

I love how September came this year escorted by a long weekend.  I've taken advantage of it to spend some quiet time and review some of the causes of my resistance...the clogs in my creative arteries.

I've come to realize that creativity is not going to happen naturally, if I'm not focusing on the essentials of life:  joy, gratitude, discipline, relationships.  My creativity does not come because I want it to; it is a natural by-product of joy, gratitude, disciplines, and relationships I experience every day.

I am taking the "Renewing of Your Mind" challenge...(sorry no buckets of ice water)...which I hope evolves into a lifelong habit.  It comes from the verse in Romans 12:2...

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. (ESV)

or as Phillips puts it:

Don’t let the world around you squeeze you into its own mold but let God re-mold your minds from within, so that you may prove in practice that the plan of God for you is good, meets all his demands and moves towards the goal of true maturity.

So, Barb Raveling suggests in making any kind of commitment or habit:

1. Make a plan (okay...)
2. Renew your mind at the same time every day. (Goal: 6 a.m. daily)
3. Get your ducks in a row. (Have my Bible, journal, et al. out before bed, ready to go.)
4. Remember that you have an enemy. (Duly noted.)
5. Get an accountability partner.  (Well, I've gone public on here now so it's not hidden.)

Let's face it...not much in this culture encourages joy and gratitude.  I want everything I say or do or create be an overflow of the joy and gratitude God brings to me from renewing my mind as I let Him transform me.

More later...I may be sharing even deeper secrets in the days to come.