MEH!

MEH… 

That’s how Friday felt.  Christmas blues are not unusual and they hit me hard this morning.  I walked into my office (already feeling this blue film on my spirits) and got hit with a bunch of emails from Columbus adding complexity, rework, changes in protocol, and hassle to what is only to be a fraction of what my job is but seems to rob me of the most meaningful parts of my work.  I did not see an end.

I can become over stimulated and more tired in December with the extra demands and chaos of Christmas at a children’s hospital.  I was doing very well, then today…ugh…I cannot even listen to my voice go on about it.  Spare me my own whining!  God give me perspective!

I was rescued by a Friday…knowing that I could center and reset for a few days after the day finished.  I am so thankful to have made the commitment to slow down Christmas daily by going through “The Greatest Gift” by Ann Voskamp.  It would be my top priority on Saturday morning…no clock to hurry me, quietness, time to sit in the flickering candles and soft Christmas music and twinkle lights, time to reflect, and nourish myself with whatever God had for me.

Who would have thought the story of Ruth and Naomi would have anything to do with Christmas?  God knew…and prompted Ann to write His message to me today.  Naomi was not having a great Christmas (having lost her husband and two sons).  It was hard to see that her widowed daughter-in-law, Ruth, was there by her side, never to leave her alone.

Ann writes:  “There are Advent moments when you’d like nothing more than to order a Christmas miracle. The one you need when it feels like no one sees you. No one sees how you really feel. How overwhelmed by the work and underappreciated by the people. No one sees that you just want someone to cup your face and look into your eyes and say your name from somewhere deep inside, like a calling home, like a belonging ~ like a holding that has you around all the fragile places and never leave.

“Some seasons are Naomi times…In some seasons, for all their gloss and glitz, it can be achingly hard to find gifts and days can feel like fists.

“Sometimes the miracle begins by growing, not in bitterness, but in faithfulness.”

Like Naomi, I sometimes miss the love around me…those who have been faithful Ruth’s in my life.

What a joy to slow down and see them…and so many abundant gifts!

Road to Bethlehem

Another person unsolicited told me they love reading my blog...

Humbled...I have no idea how much exposure it has...but God is using it...and I've been neglecting it.

Anyone who knows me, knows I'm a big fan of Ann Voskamp's writings and blog.  I purchased an advent "wreath" handmade by her son, Caleb.  It was so fresh, I could smell the shellac when I took it out of the box last year.

Adding a candle for each day in December, it leads the donkey, Mary, and Joseph to the manger.

Another new advent tradition has been reading these 3.5 x 3.5 sticky notes from Ann you can download here.  Reading one a day has made a huge difference this Christmas...

I know many our experience desperate circumstances when this season emphasizes cheer and "troubles will be out of sight."  I sent a set of these to an incredible friend of mine who is hurting because I knew how they were helping me.  I've had my share of heavy, loss-laden Christmases. Mind if I share one?

I will believe in God's grace for

impossible things today.

Because no situation is more hopeless than

my Savior is graceful.

And no personal choice that

muddied my life can ever trump

the divine choice to wash my life clean.

That is always the secret to unwrapping

the biggest, greatest, grandest gift:

believe that the love of Jesus is in

the place where I don't expect it.

And THAT my dear friends is TRUTH!  Let's remember Bethlehem...where it all began...

...and let it lead us to the Greatest Gift.

PS:  My 31 days will finish before the end of the year...I'm waiting on God's timing for the next post as it is a difficult one.  Stay tuned!

Dare to Be Grateful this September!

I have written in the past, actually rather often, about the power of gratitude.  Not because I think my readers don't know that...but because I need the reminder!

In 2011, I discovered Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts, and it continues to impact my life.  I wrote last time about the need for one to renew their mind.  A daily gratitude list is a wonderful tool.  I keep a journal and am up to 500.

This month I am doing Ann's Joy Dare for September.  Mind if I share?

Day 1 - 3 Gifts Summer

• My gardens
• Summer color
• Summer storms

Day 2 - 3 Gifts Cut

• A slice of cake
• Fabric cut by my mother when she made me clothes
• A discount

Day 3 - 3 Gifts Yellow

• Sunflowers off my deck
• My highlighter
• Goldfinches at my feeder

Day 4 - 1 Gift Cool, 1 Gift Warm, 1 Gift Sun-soaked

• Ceramic tile on my bare feet
• My Corgi's tongue
• My cat on the porch

Day 5 - 3 Gifts Autumn

• Goldenrod
• Smell of new crayons
• Low humidity

Day 6 - 3 Gifts Growing

• My dahlias have EXPLODED!
• The sun growing lower in the sky
• Days growing closer to my West Virginia vacation!

What gifts can you find today???  If you'd like to join the September Joy Dare, you can find it here

Summer of Color 2013 - Charcoal and Light Pink

I've been participating in a six-week challenge called Summer of Color 2013: Artist's Choice...

This week is charcoal and pink...

After work, I saw the clouds coming in to cover the sun, eventually bring rain... I love to  take photos of flowers in diffused light at times.  I had no intention of photographing something for the challenge.  Just to take some photos of flowers in my yard.  Especially since I spied the first sunflower of the summer starting to open (you'll see that in another post).

But without intention when I took the original photo, I started playing around with an image...finding just the right quote...that made my heart sing!   It was like a gift.  It is not always easy to keep up faithfully with these photo challenges when one works full-time.  It WAS a gift.

I took the photo and made some minor edits in Lightroom, then sent it to Photoshop Elements for further edits.  I then added a black and white gradient map adjustment layer.  Using the quick selection tool, I selected the flower. I took a soft round brush, 18% opacity, and masked off the flower.  Added a grungy texture from Shadowhouse Creations.  The quote is by Alfred Stieglitz.

Here is the original photo...

Hope you love this unexpected gift as much as I do.

Finding God...Finding a Miracle

My work week was short due to the New Year's holiday...

But it required the energy of six weeks packed into three days...

But I was witness to the hand of God in the midst of loss...a miracle.

Working with a family whose little one is dependent on technology for sustaining life, some very chaotic circumstances brought him into a hospital stay before Christmas.  The circumstances catapulting the admission were confusing and hard to understand.  Why?  Why now?

Returning to work this past Wednesday, I learned that the apartment directly above the family's apartment caught on fire in the early morning hours.  All the units are uninhabitable.  On top of everything else, now this?

And yet, somehow, God knew...and this child was in the hospital...at the right place...at the right time.  And God used the chaos...something God knew all about...and used it in a very redeeming way.

So what may appear as a dark, stormy time in our lives that makes no sense, if we will ask God and take the time to seek, we will see that He is in the middle of it all...holding us close to His heart.

A Blank Page

January 1, 2013...

Admit it...there's something daunting about the first day of a new year...

I came across a quote from Brad Paisley:

Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book.  Write a good one.
 

I started a brand new journal for a brand new year...and on the first entry page was a quote by Alexander Stoddard:

What we feel, think, and do this moment influences both our present and the future in ways we may never know.  Begin.  Start right where you are.  Consider your possibilities and find inspiration...to add more meaning and zest to your life.
 

In yesterday's post I mentioned my word for the year is embrace.  Before I can move onto 2013, I must embrace all the days of 2012.  That means all the days...the hard ones, the sad ones, the mundane ones, the painful ones, the celebratory ones, the vacation ones, the stressful ones, the days that seemed to never end...

Every moment of my life is to be embraced...if I truly believe that all of it, all is grace. 

Lord, may I take the lessons learned from my failures, my shortcomings, my searchings...and apply them to this year as I continue to aim to be conformed into Your image...and not to suit my own agenda.

 

Christmas and the Gift Unexpected

Merry Christmas!  What a beautiful time of year!  The Christmas season can be such a mix of emotions:  remembering Christmases past with fond memories but also with misty eyes as loved ones have gone to be with Jesus...no longer with us.  Or those who are ill.  And those who are hurting, are alone, or are unloved. 

And yet it is the one time when the world stops, and we have pause to remember the Greatest Gift given...Jesus, our Savior.  And that all overflows into an unbelievable outpouring of gratitude...not for the presents under the tree...but for the basics...the important stuff...family, friends, love, a roof over our heads, food on the table, freedom to read the Bible in our home without fear...even just being able to read, to see, to hear, to feel, to smell, to touch...the list is endless...we are so blessed!

 

 

And I think about how Harry toasted George in It's A Wonderful Life...saying "To the richest man in the world!"

 





And aren't we all?  But actually, my Christmas was made for me yesterday, by an UNEXPECTED gift!

Edster and I went to spend time with my son, Caleb, who has severe autism and is non-verbal.  We picked him up at his group home, which is about 10 minutes from us.  We always take him out for a while...he loves double cheeseburgers from McDonald's. 

Now, Caleb is not known for being still and sitting down for long periods of time.  He's been a pacing pinball since his youngest days.  But yesterday, he took my hand and pulled me into his room.  He laid on his bed putting his comforter over him.  He wanted me to snuggle up to him and lay with him.  I had an hour of precious moments stroking his face and singing in his ear...reminding me of when he was little.

This Kodak moment was an UNEXPECTED gift to me from him for Christmas...or maybe I was his gift, too!

But like Mary, who pondered all these things in her heart at Jesus' birth, I will hold on to this gift forever...

Your Faithfulness

I took this still as part of my 365 project...and this sits on a table next to my piano.

I had no idea how this would turn into something so meaningful in the next 24 hours...

This morning at church there was a lot of focus on gratitude, thankfulness and God's faithfulness...

There was a special song that was sung...I was captivated...moved to tears...especially this line:

I don't know if these clouds mean rain

If they do, will they pour down blessing or pain?
I don't know what the future holds
But I know I can trust Your faithfulness.

- Brian Doerksen
 

You see...this is my father's Bible.  He was asking if I could help him find a personal size with the index tabs (his was wearing out).  I said I would look on the internet...and bought this for him as a gift (he wanted to pay me!).  I bought it for him in 2008.

My dad, in April 2009, was unexpectedly diagnosed with terminal brain cancer...had palliative resection and went through rehab.  We were in shock.

By June he was back at church and publicly praised the Lord for His faithfulness and goodness to Him.  When I heard these lines in the song this morning, it made me think of his trust in his Savior, no matter what the future held, He would be faithful!

On October 9, 2009, he met his faithful Savior face to face...

Here is the song, if you'd like to experience it, too...




This blog, while it touches on many things, its main focus comes from a verse about faithfulness:

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
  his mercies never come to an end;
 they are new every morning;
  great is your faithfulness.
(Lamentations 3:22-23 ESV)
 

Yes, He is faithful...and ALL is grace!

 

A Lesson From an Avalanche

Is it just me...?  Or are mailboxes spewing out more mail-order catalogs than ever before?  It's like an avalanche!

The seduction begins...glossy ads for perfume advertisements, controversy over Black Friday starting on Thanksgiving Thursday for some stores...the ringing Christmas Hershey kisses are back on tv!




And yet...how to stop this insanity?

The avalance caused me to stop and think about gifts I had been given in the past, what had been meaningful, and what had seemed forgotten...

My mother faithfully gave me gifts at Christmas...giving it much thought.  And yet every year in the decade before she was stolen away by Alzheimer's...I told her what I wanted...something I'd be disappointed if I did not receive one.

Every Christmas there would be a pair of hand embroidered pillowcases that she had done.  The time and effort she had put into these, plus knowing that the work was done by her own hands...hands that someday would no longer be able to do so...made them priceless.

She would ask me..."So, what do you want this year?" and my answer was always "a pair of embroidered pillowcases."  She would laugh (deflecting the compliment) and say, "oh that's nothing."

But it was everything...and I have them and lay my head on them, holding her close as I sleep.

Maybe the best way to stop the Christmas insanity is not to give what we're seduced by multimedia to believe will fulfill our loved ones' every desire...

but instead, give gifts that will have enduring meaning...like those cherished pillowcases.

Homebound Today But Had Visitors!!!!

No church or any activities today outside the house that would keep me too far from the bathroom...prep work for a procedure tomorrow afternoon.  (Sorry for the TMI! )

But God is so good...look at all the visitors He brought my way today at our feeders!!!!

There were more, but photo ops weren't as great.

Those who know me well, know how important birds are to me and how God has used them over and over again in my life.  So I know these were directly from His hand.

What amazing gifts...with feathers EVEN!  By the way, the greatest prize was the Carolina Wren. (tea-kettle, tea-kettle, tea-kettle)  Do you know which one that is????

Day 29 ~ Three Gifts On Time

Two days left...

Three gifts on time...does that mean "on time" or "about time?"  I think I will consider both...

Gift #1 ~

Over the past two weeks I have been struggling internally...with something that I knew was clearly not from God and meant only to discourage and defeat me.  God brought a dear friend, LB, my way who opened her heart and her ears to not only listen but also to share...even though she is in Chicago!  We've walked similar paths...and God brought her along my pathway...a gift!

Gift #2 ~

I'm not a big group person...never have been.  I'm not a "the more, the merrier" kind of person.  I like intimacy with people I trust...one-on-one...or a group of four...or me and Edster with another couple.  I work with a lot of extroverted folks...and while I can appear to be somewhat outgoing...I know that I am a deep, thoughtful introvert that requires quiet and solitude...to explore my passions (most of which are solitary), such as:  photography, writing, Bible study, genealogy, birding, solitude, creative expression.  Often quite different pursuits than my counterparts.

But God brought some wonderful women in my life "on time" who share similar passions and similar styles and pursuits, from my some e-courses I took...who expected this???  Bonus...and we fellowship daily and they are all such special gifts to me:  Viv, Sarah, Cathy, Madelin, Sherry, Terri, Stacie, GeetLee, Cheryl1, Cheryl2, Cheryl3, Julie, Elaine, Donna M, Donna C, Laurie, Sherri, Mary (I almost thre up), Helen, Leon, Catherine, Nancy Jean (I love that combo - we appalachians grew up with relatives that all had two names), Karla, Lissa, Martha, Carol, Debbie, Debbie2, Debbie3, Joy, Roxi, Barbara, Lorraine, Diane, Kristina (mustache), Peg, Barbara H., Dotti, Naomi, Kate, Robyn, Justine, Sharon, Jessica (Lensbaby), Lori, Diana, Cindy, Sally (Radish), Lorna, Angela, Connie, RedWillow, Maria, Toni, BD, Kate T, Maggie, Michelle, Susan, Becky, Anne, Olivia (and probably more I missed)...and of course, Kim (I'm not a public speaker) Klassen!

Gift #3 ~

I have been in bed all day...leaving work after getting sick...sleeping off and on...the storm news droning on in the background.  But my Edster brought a gift my way...he filled the bird feeders yesterday, "on time", not knowing I would be home today.  I'm not certain if its the storm coming or what...but it's been birds, birds, birds, birds, birds...flying in and out and finding gems of seed for consumption.  Titmice, northern cardinals, house finches, carolina wren, black-capped chickadees, sparrows, american goldfinches, blue jays...all outside my bedroom window.

Praying for those all in the path of the storm...we will get some of it (mostly wind)...but there are many who are in harm's way.

Day 28 ~ Three Gifts in Christ

More gifts today...and how appropriate on a Sunday to select three gifts in Christ.

Just three? (Wow...hard to narrow down)...and only three more days to go...

As I sit here on this dreary Sunday afternoon in my favorite chair...speeches by the candidates for President of the United States seem to be the order of the day on the news channels...

Everyone has talked about what a pivotal election day this is on November 6...

Future uncertain...on the brink of insolvency...losing our moral compass as a nation...the economy...

While I am a good citizen, love this country, am a faithful voter...my perspective is a little bit different.

1.  One gift in Christ ~ Confidence.  The theme of this blog comes from Lamentations 3:22-24.

Because of the Lord's faithful love, we do not perish, for His mercies never end.  They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness!

I say: The Lord is my portion, therefore I will put my hope in Him!
 

Whatever the outcome, I am CONFIDENT in God's decision in this election according to His purposes.  I find this quote from Alexander Carson so relevant:

As God can protect his people under the greatest despotism, so the utmost civil liberty is no safety to them without the immediate protection of his Almighty arm. I fear that Christians in this country have too great a confidence in political institutions . . . [rather] than of the government of God.
 

2. Another gift in Christ ~  Direction and guidance.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
Do not lean on your own understanding;
think about Him in all your ways
and He will guide you on the right path.
~ Proverbs 3:5-6 (HCSB)
 

 3.  A third gift in Christ ~  Joy.

You have shown me the paths of life and in your presence is fullness of
joy; and at your right hand there are pleasures forevermore.
~ Psalms 16:11 (ESV)
 

And how do I enter into His presence for that fullness of joy?  Through His gates with gratitude and thankfulness!

Day 27 ~ Gifts Humbling, Honoring, Happy

Down to the last days of my October Joy Dare...

Has anyone else besides me having avalanches daily out of their mailboxes from catalogs?  Honestly...

I came out from the bedroom this morning...leafed through one from Pottery Barn...and then Dell...then one from Ballard Designs...

And I felt sick...

A gift has appeared of late that is extremely humbling.  We are such an excessive society...these catalogs were dripping with it. And our craving for more creates a pace and stress that is barely survivable.

As part of the Foundation for Hospices in Sub-Saharan Africa (FHSSA), our pediatric palliative care center has become a sponsor to the first pediatric palliative care unit in Kenya. Only 4.6 percent of the world's population lives in the United States, yet consumes 80 percent of the world's pain medication. 

I met Dr. Mburugu and his team via streaming video over a laptop in our conference room a couple of weeks ago.  I am humbled at how I see how this group is taking this huge venture, to make a difference for the children of Kenya, with so little...compared to all the options we have in our pediatric palliative care center at the hospital.  I'm sure as we grow our relationship, God will continue to humble me with this gift.

Continuing to talk about my work, I received recognition from supervisors for "going the extra mile" working with an amazing single mother whose young child had sustained a traumatic brain injury.  His survival was indeed tenuous...possible brain death.  During this time, I tried to take as much "paperwork" and "financial" burden off of her within my professional boundaries so she could focus on her child.  Six months later, she had him in the office...laughing, saying a few words, interacting in his 2-year-old way.  This gits was honoring...and also extremely humbling.  I was honored to walk with her through this miraculous journey.

My co-worker, Joanne (above, center), has been with us a year.  Just out of graduate school she came with her young self...uprooting from all her family and friends to work with us here in Ohio, as her first "big girl" job.  This is quite an undertaking...being apart from most you've known and go to a place where you know no one.  It was a happy gift to know that her parents were coming this weekend...she had not seen her father since May...it makes me smile.  It is also a happy gift to work with her.

Oh, may we learn to live grateful lives...to live simply...to do as God requires:

...to do justice and love kindness, and walk humbly with your God... (Micah 6:8)

 

I know I often fall short...



Day 26 ~ Three Gifts Extravagant

When I pondered this category...I looked up the word extravagant and came up with quite a few synonyms from the Thesarus:  crazy, flamboyant, exaggerated, expensive, unreasonable, unrestrained, over-the-top, extreme, fantastic, fancy, excessive, outrageous.

But I would like to approach this word from the perspective of one of my favorite verses:

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think...

Ephesians 3:20 (ESV)

 

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or

request in your wildest dreams!

Ephesians 3:20 (The Message)

 

Doesn't that sound extravagant?

 

 

Day 26 ~ Three Gifts Extravagant

 

 

 

I did not dare dream, hope for, imagine that I would ever marry after a decade of singleness.  And I was okay with that ~~ content.  But extravagantly, over-the-top, the Lord brought Edster into my life, at just the right time.  I had no idea...no idea that when our paths providentially crossed on that Friday, June 6, 2008, that it would result into the love of a lifetime, allowing Edster and my dad to form a good relationship, giving my dad peace knowing God had bestowed a wonderful Christian man to his daughter for life.  Just over a year later from our meeting each other ~~ my father would be in heaven, entering the day before we married.

 

 

 

I know that same feeling my father must have felt.  Last December, my Lydia ~~ a single mother of two boys who are the heart of my heart ~~ she married a wonderful Christian man who adores her and the boys.  He could have only come along as an extravagant gift from her Savior.  And what a gift to me...peace knowing my daughter had a helpmate, a partner, a role model for those boys, and a godly man to lead their family.

 

 

Oh...before I go on to my third gift extravagant...with the gift of Edster came a bonus!  My stepdog Bruno!

 

 

 

I never dreamed that I would ever obtain a college degree and work in the field I so desired.  Caleb had taught me so much, and I was able to help other families facing some comparable challenges.  But I was an executive assistant full-time, doing good advocacy for others in addition to my job, wanting to make a difference...but I needed the credentials.  I had two years' college completed from thirty years' prior.  Single, sole-supporting...how could I, at age 46, work full-time, go to school full-time, and not only need to get my BSW, but I would also need to get my Master's degree? 

 

How do I explain that by age 49, I had graduated from Case Western Reserve University with distinction and am now in a position that is a dream come true?  A privilege?  A ministry? Making a difference...?  I cannot answer any other way except that God did it...an extravagant gift of love...He who makes the impossible, possible.

 

Yes, God's love, God's grace, God's goodness is extravagant...i.e., crazy, flamboyant, exaggerated, expensive, unreasonable, unrestrained, over-the-top, extreme, fantastic, fancy, excessive, outrageous...actually...

 

it defies words...

 

Watch for His extravagance this weekend!