Mother's Day ~ It is Not About Me

Mother's Day...the first in my life without my mother...who sacrificed so much for me.

As I reflect on motherhood, I ponder how having a child turns the page on the book of one's life to a chapter where nothing is ever the same again.  I see mothers and their children every day in my work at the hospital.  I have had my own experiences with motherhood.  Actually, I believe motherhood begins at the time of conception.  And nothing is guaranteed. And the Bible reminds me that, "you are not your own" and, therefore, from that moment...it is not about me...it's about God and His will.

• God does not promise to you, a mother, that your baby will survive pregnancy or delivery.
• As a mother, God may require you to give your child more as a gift to an adoptive family.
• Without ever knowing why, your baby may be born with a disability or chronic disease.
• There is no guarantee that your baby in his life will not experience trauma or premature death.
• As a mother, you may face the sorrow of your little one to grow up to be rebellious and in trouble with the law.
• God does not guarantee that your baby will live happily ever after without struggle.

But He calls us to trust Him and to love those children with whom we have been entrusted.  Sometimes that love has to be tough but always unconditional.  I watched my mother trust God and love me when at times I caused her pain and disappointment.  She was obedient and faithful.

With my children, to this day, I have felt salty tears on my cheeks when my hopes and dreams have been crushed, but my love has been sustained.  

Motherhood has brought me immense joy.  But it has also brought with it loss and suffering.  And I cling to Him in this lifelong responsibility.  And so every day I hold my hands up high, palms up, knowing my children are not mine, but His ~ and laying them at His feet daily is my greatest responsibility.

I am grateful for this honor...

What Would Anna Think? - Thoughts on Mother's Day

I'll just put it out there...I have mixed feelings about Mother's Day...

I love the good intentions of Anna Jarvis on 1908 when she held a memorial service on a Sunday for her mother in Grafton, West Virginia...and pushed to make it a recognized holiday...which did happen in 1914...but by the 1920s, she was already disappointed by its commercialism...

How much more would she feel that disappointment today...

I have thought a lot about it this weekend...

Imagine my disappointment when the red carpet was not rolled out for my feet when I stepped out of bed...nor was there an eloquent breakfast tray with a vased flower and linen napkin awaiting me when my eyes opened.  No flurry of calls from my children...no flood of accolades paired with expensive gifts of appreciation.  (Although my heart was full from a thoughtful card from Edster!)

But actually...I don't buy into those images...

Instead, while reading my latest literary adventure, The Gifts of Imperfection, the words reminded me once again:

Comparison is the thief of joy...

I believe we are set up for complete obliteration of our joy if we compare our lives with the images we see on Facebook that show everyone's best side...or the commercials that guilt us into believing if we don't buy this or that, we must not love our mother...

Instead...I thought about...

• The mothers who have a child who has died.
• The mothers whose children were never born.
• The children who can no longer reconcile and make peace with their mother as she is gone.
• The mothers who may have a child that broke her heart.
• The mothers who may have a child enslaved in destructive habits and addictions.
• The mothers who have children with profound disabilities who cannot say thank you or even say "mom."
• The children whose mothers have died or are living but no longer are who they once were.
• The mothers who find themselves unwantingly spending their Mother's Day as a single mother.
• The children who have grown up without a forever family and not knowing their mother.
• The mothers who have lost their children due to mistakes they regret than cannot be undone.
• And the mothers of children who today are still prodigals...

Instead...

I held the hand of the godly woman who bore me, although, like every day, she never opened her eyes...and am grateful...

I brushed and braided her hair...and I am grateful...

Kissed her and prayed in her ear...and I am grateful...

And comforted that she has good people around her...giving her good care...grateful this mother gave up her Mother's Day to serve others...including my mother...

And while I had expected to see my daughter and grandsons this afternoon...a call from my daughter that my youngest grandson had thrown up all over himself and everything...and was sick...changed that...been there, done that!  But I was thrilled at the handmade card I received from my oldest grandson when he knew I was sick last week...he made it at school...that also wished me a Happy Mother's Day.  I marveled at his wonderful spelling and handwriting of my little first grader...

But my daughter wrote this on her Facebook page this morning:

And a very special mothers day to my momma Denise Fabian! Thank you for all your love and support even though my questionable phases I'm life. You've showed me how to be a strong loving woman and to always trust in God. For this I will always be grateful and blessed. xoxo.

And how grateful I am to my husband, who put food spikes into the cold ground in January to feed the lilac bushes that produced an over-abundance of blooms to make a fragrant vaseful to fill my mother's room with an aroma better than anything that could have been purchased.

And no card, no phone call came from my son...because he is unable to do so...  He cannot say thank you...he cannot even call me, "Mom."  But today, through the commitment of motherhood, I know

• he is safe
• he is content
• and he is functioning at his best

What greater gift can I ask for?

I think Anna Jarvis would be pleased...and I am grateful for the mother whose greatest desire...the only gift she has ever craved...has always been to see her children standing at Christ's side on Judgment Day...

Mother's Day Mercies

"If we could see beyond today as God can see..." is my mother's favorite song.  And since October 2011, I have been challenged and inspired to seek the gifts God brings each day, through my photography, through Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts, and of course, through God's Word.

I have not had a true conversation with my mother in almost a dozen years when she developed Alzheimer's. Today she is mute, sleeps most of the time, and has not known me for nearly three years or more.  And yet, despite the pain of seeing this wonderful woman await her Bridegroom as she endures what Robert Schaefer calls "the identity thief of the 21st century", I know there are gifts God brings in the middle of it all.  That is, what Ann Voskamp calls, "Hard Eucharisteos."

I am incredibly grateful beyond words for the 55 years she has lived out her faith before me, for demonstrating a servant's heart as she cared for her mother 24/7 for the last years of her life, and for her unwavering walk with Jesus that influenced me to walk with Him, also.

But what about now -- what about in the present?  Her hair is now long and I can french braid it freshly when I visit.  I can still touch her hand and pray with her and breathe in her presence.  I can feed her a strawberry sundae from McDonalds and play her favorite hymns and gospel songs from my laptop, knowing that the Spirit still ministers to hers.  I can find reasons to praise Him for the hard Eucharisteo...that makes my world stop and ponder about what is really important.  And I can kiss her forehead and stroke her face...little acts that someday I won't be afforded.  I can hear her singing her favorite song in my memory:

If we could see beyond today as God can see,
If all the clouds should roll away, the shadows flee;
Oe'r present griefs we would not fret, Each sorrow we would soon forget.
For many joys are waiting yet for you and me.
If we could see, if we could know, we often say,
But God in love, a veil doth throw, across our way
We cannot see what lies before
And so we cling to Him the more.
He leads us til this life is o'er, trust and obey.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!  I love you!